It’s not serious

I am Skyping with Mary, practicing the Sedona-method. We are noticing how the mind thinks everything is important – or serious. As time goes by, we are noticing that in reality, nothing is going on – just passing thoughts that we might attach to or not. And how easy it is to get sucked in to it.

Fear tries to have our attention constantly – in different forms – pretending to be “important to look at.” And we notice that when there is no resistance at all to the fear- and also no tending to it – it relaxes. We notice that it really resists Love – but when we allow that to be as it it, slowly the fear turns into curiosity.

It reminds me of my Buddhist/therapist. He told me the first ten years, “You need to test me to see if you can trust me.” I tested him for ten years  –  and then I trusted.

Mary and I have the same experiences of having more and more strong sensations and pains coming up lately. We realize that what is showing up is in no way in danger if we do not tend to it – all we need to do, is noticing it AND at the same time noticing the Love that is always here. Mary giggles and says that her mind just likes to make everything so serious but it really isn’t. “It’s just what I am used too.”

Yes. Me too

Game of Transformation

I found the Game of Transformation at the same time I discovered The Course in Miracles in the bookstore – it was in the  late 70’es I think. Both were “must have’s.” The Game originated in the Findhorn Community in Scotland.

One year later,  William Schaffer, a teacher and friend from Findhorn, came to  Norway and offered to play the Game with  a friend and me . We did that over two weekends, and then he certified us. That is almost 40 years ago, and I have played the Game hundreds of times since then – with patients, clients, friends – and on my own.

Yesterday I played it with Tonya. She sent a postcard some time ago and told me she had thought of me the last ten years and wanted to come to a session of some sort – and now she was ready 🙂 She wanted a regression, but I saw that I could serve her better with the Game, and she said yes when I started to describe it.

The postcard had the famous motive painted by Michelangelo from the Sistine Chapel: God’s Hand transferring His Love and Power to Adam – or with the Course: the symbol of us as One created in His Image.

As soon as I saw the card, I was on fire: this would be a meeting that would bring healing to us both on very deep levels.

The Course is a board-game. You traverse a repeating path where you meet “setbacks” and “insights”, Miracles,  and Transformations. We are given opportunities to bless  and appreciate ourselves and each other- and when we do, we are given “awareness” in the form of little colored cards – with  spiritual qualities on them: “beauty” – “strength” – “play”  and hundreds more. We fill up “scorecards” with this awareness: red for the physical level, orange for the emotional, yellow for the mental and violet for the spiritual.

The insight-cards describe truthful statements about the Son of God. When you get one of those, you have the opportunity to find out when this statement latest was true about you.  Example:”You offer forgiveness for another as for yourself.” When did you last do that?

The setback-cards tell us when and how we are holding on to false ideas about ourselves – to give us the possibility to let that go and choose again.

And yes, there is a ” dark night of the soul – square” to land on, too. It gives us opportunity to explore how it feels to be there – and which thoughts keep us there, and what will bring us out.

A dice plays the role of The Holy Spirit. Yes, a dice. It dictates which square to land on. It does stuff that makes you realize you are being played with  by something Greater – and this Something Greater has such a sense of humor! It may for instance make one of us CONSTANTLY draw the same card:  ” One Service.”  And help her realize that she always does this – but never for her self. Another strangely comes to the miracle square three times after each other. Suddenly she is made aware that she can be more aware of the miracles daily happening in her life. H.S. leads the game with wonderful playful synchronicities. The one he did with Tonya and me was to lead us to put ALL the group-insights-card in our “unconscious-envelopes.”

The unconscious-envelope is in the start filled with setback cards, insight cards and angel-cards – symbolizing the unconscious thoughts and beliefs that we carry and that we need to see and forgive to move on with our lives. We roll the dice to tell us how many of each set of cards to put in the envelop, and we pick them out without looking at them. Randomly it seems – but no.During the Game they are made conscious, and we are either stuck in “pain” or moving forward.

Now back to the group-insight: what a marvelous symbol that we are playing this Game as the One Son of God. There are 8 of them among hundreds – they were all there in our unconscious-envelopes, now being made conscious.

After the third group-insight we got it and started to laugh.And laugh and laugh. We could not stop. A beautiful release started to pour through us. Tonya’s guardian Angel was “Release” – and the beauty in her face when she realized that we are played with by our Self was stunning.

We both had as an intention for the Game to  help us look at patterns in our relationships with family and friends  – AND also help to loosen stuck and painful tensions and holdings in the body.  She came with strong tensions and holding around her heart.The night before we played I was held by a tremendous invisible grip in the neck: it felt completely physical and real. When we drew a card for our strongest defense-pattern right now,  I drew ” insane tensions.” She drew ” I don’t care.”

These  last defense-cards I made for the Game. Devil-cards – as William named them – well, ego-cards are a great name too.

As we played, the tensions abated. We both howled when a new group-insight – or group-setback – were released from our unconscious.  There was only One of us there.

In the start of a Game, we set an intention of what we want help to look upon and heal. At the end of the Game, this had for both of us happened, without having worked at it directly. There were many occasions where I was led to suggest that Tonya could just look at the seeming problem and surrender it to Jesus. Each time she stopped trying to fix it and just sat in surrender, the energy became peaceful and light, an ocean to rest in for us both.

When we hugged at the end of the Game – three hours later – a strong feeling of completion came to me – like a cycle was at its end.

The three first hours after I went to bed, the feelings of pain and tensions were bad – I still identified with it . Then : out of nowhere – sleep happened.  I woke up – took the hand of Jesus – and suddenly I knew that the tensions were on their way out: I just had to allow it. The BAD feelings were not  harmful at all – only my identification with them had made them stay.

Now, for each wave of “bad” I knew they were moving – and they were. It felt like waves too.

The Game had loosened my identification to ego/pain/past – once again.

Extra perk: the addiction to  being on Internet has gone today.


For the last three days and nights I have felt like in deep fog,. a sort of trance. Hardly awake, and not sleeping. This last night was different: crystal clear dreams with deeply repressed stuff – what a release to look at with Love and see as untrue.

Today, walking in town, I think for the first time  I saw other people and did NOT merge with them automatically. I could allow them to be as they were, and saw them as playing roles they identified with – the angry one, the anxious one, the sick one. Behind it all – or “through” it was Love.

Some of them looked at me and their faces burst out in smiles from inside.

The most wonderful was to look at all and want to change nothing at all.


Coming home – experiencing my daughter “hearing me” acting in a needy way I think is her image of me, and not who I am now -and recognizing: all I need to do is forgive my reaction – allowing it to be like it is – and also forgive her reaction.

Thank God it is not serious

And now I just saw the post of November 21th J


the religion of suffering

In Gangaji’s last book, “Hidden treasure”, I read, p.135: (She is describing her experiences with Tibetan Buddhism teachings) “ ..but since it was escape I was still seeking, no offer for redemption could be final. No matter what moving or quieting experiences I had while meditating, I was consistently more faithful to the religion of my own suffering  than to the offering of either the Christian or Buddhist religions. The practice of my  own suffering kept its strong hold on my life.”

Holy Spirit, help me remember that when I think I suffer, I am within my own dream. Help me not resist my story – and also allow myself not to become involved in it. In that way, I am able to stay where i think I am, lovingly – but not taking it seriously.

the soft mist of allowing

The mist outside my window is softly erasing all forms.


I have just ended a Skype-Sedona releasing session with Mary. I started to release on my instantaneous attaching to hellish fear of being attacked when I saw that I had received a mail from someone whom I had asked a favor. It is the old story of insanity, and “me” attaching to it.

Could I just allow the story to be here without attaching to it? – I could  –

Could I also notice the Love that is here? -I could –

Could I allow myself not to be controlled by the mind?  – I could –

Mary asks, “so what is here now?”

There is looking out of the window seeing a car driving  s l o w l y …I could walk faster than that car…suddenly realizing that I am seeing my dream symbolized outside my window: the car, a metaphor of the vehicle i think is me – my body-me – realizing this metaphor, I sense an unfathomable sweetness spreading in my mind and body -and outside, there is mist slowly enveloping the landscape in sweet patience – I am aware that I/mind is dreaming this, and I am the dreamer –

I see clearly that any reaction I have to any comment I get from anybody, has nothing to do with me – it has to do with my choice for perception –

the softness of the mist dissolving forms is the softness of Love dissolving  “me” – I am watching the outside mirror of my inward perception –

What You did not give has no reality

I wrote recently about the encounter with the builder doing work on our row of houses  – that I wanted an estimate of the cost, and  mentioned his anger of not being trusted -and that I understood he was a mirror of something in me that needed to be trusted completely.

Yesterday I climbed the roof again, controlling the work – and there was a big splinter gone of a corner board.

I mailed him. Still so connected to the inner c o n s t a n t present feeling of threat and fear and needing somebody to blame for it. I also was willing to see him as innocent – once again – and as the holy Son of God coming to me for my own good.

The ego made quite a drama of this.As always. Lots of dream-scenarios in the night, of being stalked and attacked. By him.

This morning, I was still in my pajamas, he rang the doorbell. He looked at me through the window before I opened it, and Nina/ ego excused herself for not feeling quite well…(she should be up at this time, shouldn’t she? how embarrassing!) He smiled a beautiful smile and just climbed up. Came down, explained to me exactly what has happened – the gone splinter could NOT lead to leaks – I started to relax, sensing the old identity slipping off again – and he said he would get some material and fix it right away.

Ego felt this being very unreal. Builders/craftsmen do not simply show up the second  day after a complaint.

Alone again, I sat down and sense deep deep deep down that the old belief in threatening dangerous men is sweetly slipping. Maybe I don’t need to believe in it  any longer. I heard Blue whisper “3” and opened the closest little book with wise-word-quotes on nr 3: ” Dealing with a perceived problem in the world is not what makes the error real. It is believing that the perceived problem is the cause of our upset and has an effect on the truth of Who we are which makes the error real in our awareness, though not in truth.”

Instantly I shifted from projecting the fear on Ollie to the fear of separation as real – and all its perceived consequences.

While I was in the shower he had got the material and repaired the injured place on the wall. It looked so neat!

I sat and sat and sat in enormous space and feelings of stillness. I was at a place where I knew I could just smile at the fear.

What a difference that makes: to not believe in the constant inner threats and warnings of disaster and fear.

Then I opened todays lesson:


I can give up but what was never real.

W-pII.322.1. I sacrifice illusions; nothing more. 2 And as illusions go I find the gifts illusions tried to hide, awaiting me in shining welcome, and in readiness to give God’s ancient messages to me. 3 His memory abides in every gift that I receive of Him. 4 And every dream serves only to conceal the Self which is God’s only Son, the likeness of Himself, the Holy One Who still abides in Him forever, as He still abides in me.

W-pII.322.2. Father, to You all sacrifice remains forever inconceivable. 2 And so I cannot sacrifice except in dreams. 3 As You created me, I can give up nothing You gave me. 4 What You did not give has no reality. 5 What loss can I anticipate except the loss of fear, and the return of love into my mind?



in the process of leaving the womb of the world

  Yesterday I visited the exhibition “Circle of memory”by Eleanor Coppola.  I took 51 photos from inside the womb-part: the walls are made of straw, it smells musty and safe, it is VERY dark inside. The wall you see in front has been used as a memory-place for hundreds of little white notes from visitors: messages to their loves ones, and often just poetry, words coming from the soul in this strange and welcoming exhibition. Eleanor made it when the Coppola’s son died.

I felt like born again.

Below another photo: I liked to move the camera while clicking.


These are a prelude to my experience posted today, Monday the 14th 2011.: What You did not give has no reality

the choice to let go

I am looking at those words. For the first time in my life, it is dawning on me that I have a choice – the belief that I am a victim of my reactions is sweetly tenderly giving way to the repeated question:

Maybe i don’t need this reaction any longer? Maybe it is not necessary for my safety to hold on to it?

Being in this wondrous process of awakening, I start more frequently to notice the difference from being identified with ego, and being the decision-maker sensing the ego. The distinction is today really clear. The same ego- feeling/thought is here – but it is very often separated from my identity.

There is an ocean of difference between feeling heavyfoggyheaded in the morning – and with crystal clear awareness noticing the foggy feeling.

Writing the last sentence made my heart jump.

The difference is of course the lack of judgment

not effective

This Presence is so unobtrusive

so eternally Present

How easy I grab it and judge it as not “big” enough –

it cannot be important unless it makes some noise

resting, not doing, is filled with proofs of non-importance

it’s simply not effective

Oh this ego knows nothing

and still I cling to it

unless I don’t


Habemus Papam

This must be the Course In Miracles- movie. Each and every scene I could witness the world and the drama of specialness played out: the Son of God being elected to serve – and fleeing from his true God-given identity, the authority it brings – and all the responsibility.


The cardinals and their expressions during the voting process—silently praying “not me,God, not me! Don’t choose me!”

The Pope is chosen – and flees and hides in Rome.

A high bureaucrat stages a grand lie, to appease the cardinals: he pretends the Pope is hiding/resting from shock/in his room – “you can see his shadow on the curtains.” He has – ;;;giggles::: – instructed a guy from the Swiss Life Guard to impersonate the Pope: walk buy the curtained windows – and even ruffling the  heavy curtains, as a way of “waving” to the cardinals. This ” Pope-shadow” has 3 grand days behind the curtains – chocolate bonbons each morning, putting on His Holiness’s robes – and playing his favorite music on the loudspeakers in the Vatican.

The very best-psychiatrist in Rome is called in – is too nosy – and Pope is taken incognito to the shrink’s separated wife(“the next best in Rome”). She tells him that he is nourishment-challenged, and did not receive a good enough mothering.

WONDERFUL scene where she asks him what his occupation is: “I am an actor” he tells her – and disappears into Rome’s chaos – ending up on a rehearsal of “the Seagull” by Chekhov. There is an insane actor there who runs around and yells that he’ll go insane if he does not get Nina!

Ego/insanity must have a “Nina”  to exist. Without the idea of separation, no insanity.

This line is part of the rehearsal – and the actor is truly insane.

Another time, there is night, and we hear all the cardinals in their rooms (nobody is allowed to leave the Vatican until the Pope is found 🙂 they are praying and crying, and an old cardinal cries loudly for his mama. In the exact second he yells this, my automatic wake-up-caller in my purse goes off. People around me check their cell-phones. But I am graced with the reminder of how much I need to forgive my need for mama – and sweetness embraces me.

As the Pope roams the corridors in the beginning, we see – from above – the darkened St.Peter’s Place where thousands of devout Catholics roam around, waiting for a decision -just like the scared and non-willing Pope. Oh the myriad of details in this movie. There is even a scene where the high decision makers sit in their office with tiny plastic figurines and move them around, while we see a huge panorama of Rome from above.

The psychiatrist reads the Bible to the cardinals at mealtimes, and points out how the Bible speaks about depression and suicidal thoughts in certain places. The cardinals protest at this interpretation. He also teaches them to play cards, and splits them up in Nations – and ends up arranging a volleyball-competition between the different nationalities of cardinals. World politics played out as a volley ball game is hilarious. I won’t tell you who is winning (Oceania.)

If I would see only one film in my life, it would be this. Each tiny detail is demonstrating our belief in the world and specialness, and our fear of our true identity. And it is done with exquisite Love. And the tenderest fun.

When the movie is over, I am walking to the Mall close by – and the revolving doors to the Mall are hardly moving. I am inside the carousel with a man; we both push the door to make it move. It does not budge. We look at each other and laugh: “This is a sign to just slow down.”

And so I am reminded of the revolving-door-image each and every time I start to rush again – flying from my Self, just like the Papa fled.

And I choose again.

Previous Older Entries

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

%d bloggers like this: