Presents

When I sat down at the table at my daughters Saturday, there were heaps of presents. They were exquisitely wrapped, and I felt a sinking in the stomach. “This is over the top” an inner voice said. Every detail was prepared to perfection – but there was a sensation of deep desperation about it all.

The effect on me was nauseating.

For me, it is like this: if it feels good for both the giver and the receiver, the gift has true value. If not, there are underlying unconscious expectations:

I give to be seen as “loving” ( which I secretly “know”I am not.)

I give to feel safe ( “now I will not be attacked)

I give something to be loved and to feel valuable and good.

The more gifts, the more I show how much I love

I know my daughter as a radiant teacher of love, so this was gift to me on a higher level – it happened to show me something. And only late 24 hours later in the night today did I discover: – what we were caught in, was the archetype of CHILD, that I describe in When Fear Comes Home to Love.

A Course in Miracles describes it like this:

“T-16.VII.1. It is impossible to let the past go without relinquishing the special relationship. 2 For the special relationship is an attempt to re-enact the past and change it. 3 Imagined slights, remembered pain, past disappointments, perceived injustices and deprivations all enter into the special relationship, which becomes a way in which you seek to restore your wounded self-esteem. 4 What basis would you have for choosing a special partner without the past? 5 Every such choice is made because of something “evil” in the past to which you cling, and for which must someone else atone.”

CHILD is the part of the psyche that thinks itself inherently unworthy and loved in her essence: – you only GET love by following others’ expectations – a special relationship is based on the belief in separation. You adapt and perform and adjust – but in your essence, there is something inherently WRONG with you. You exist for others, period.

I started to explore the expectations CHILD may have behind giving gifts: to be loved, to feel safe, to be seen as nice and good and special in many ways. I became acutely aware that the horrible sensations and energies I have felt for two days now came from Child – and I recognized it as a soul gift from my beloved daughter.

For all that I have not accepted and owned as mine, I cannot embrace and forgive. And the gift in this presentation was to present a lot of presents that were over the top – both in wrapping and economy. The agony came from all that this Child in us has repressed: the need to be loved and held, valued just as s/he is – seen in her particular character and treasured just like s/he is.

Our World, as the Course teaches it, is the place where God’s One Child ( us all) play out the belief in separation – we have to DO something to EARN love.We deny the inherent value we all have as God’s child. We eat of the Tree of Good AND evil – and the soul does it to find the way to love ALL OF IT, recognizing that the “evil” springs from confusion, forgive and find the love in our heart that can house it all, and transform the energies. Jesus tells us that when I forgive a confused part of the small/separated mind, I have made it a bit easier to forgive – a bit more available to forgive for everybody – since there is only ONE MIND in reality.

And in reality, this (“my”) mind is one with God’s mind – all filled with Love. And since Love loves all things and allows us to play in all ways to experience the consequences of a separated mind, I can turn to Love now – the essence of what I am in truth – and own my choice for separation and all its consequences. Being there NOW, I can extend forgiveness to myself for the choice I made and choose again:

Love.

As this Love starts to permeate my creation, the agony melts and there is a deep knowing that my true value, given me by Love has never been disturbed.

And I can communicate this to my daughter from my soul to hers – and if necessary, I will find words to share with her eye to eye as well.

Some photos of this True Love that I have saved:

This is Anna – grandmother of Jesus . painted by Leonardo DaVinci.

A crushed bowl – mended with gold and love – helping me to see the value in the wound

This photo has followed me all my life – I sucked the forefinger too, and animals were safe

This is in my mind how Jesus would look if he were a cat

Embracing

So important in this dis-identification process: – separating the observer and witness from the me-of-many-stories. All the voices/parts of Leelah – they are not Who I am I am the awareness of it. I am the One who relates to it all, with judgment and hate or acceptance and love. I cannot forgive what I haven’t first accepted and allowed.

An important step for me has been to be really curious about everything that shows up – and then singling it out, by becoming aware of the size of the field of contraction in the body – noticing the hurts and aches, maybe color-tone, the felt sense of it, maybe voices that come with it. After much practicing, there now is a distinct YES-feeling when I have “got it” – and then I can use the forgiveness process from  the Way of Transformation.

I notice that once – from a place of fear and chock – I chose to repress this – for a good reason! And now I can choose to receive it and love it.

When after much practicing I am able to embrace it, the healing is now in the hands of Holy Spirit – or my Higher Self. My part is just willingness to feel what comes up, to welcome it -to recognize that it is all a consequence of my choice at the moment of trauma-onset: I chose to think things about me and the others that sprang from fear-perceptions. And I chose freely what it meant about me – always that there was something wrong with me, so in some weird way I deserved it.

I have had years of drilling by masters from Mystery traditions. My lieblings would be Emmanuel and  Bartholomew ( they are both funny and tender ( Emmanuel even speak in poems!)

But Jeshua has followed me and helped me the most this life – you may read about that process in When Fear Comes Home to Love.

So back to this night – it was all held in the Solar Plexus for all my life, I believe. Now there was an intense and sudden pain there- and as I embraced it and it unraveled, I saw the impossibility for that pain to make itself truly know before this night -so much had to happen first. It was all about not being able to survive the very living-situation I was in – that family, those beliefs, those secrets, that intense Jekyll and Hyde – creation.

The very essence of the-all-of-it – the impossibility to even KNOW about it was there, in the diamond hard ball.

The release was beautiful beyond description – and I will give it space to happen incrementally.

This is how it feels:

I have borrowed this from Love Is A Place- bloghttp://peacefullpresence.blogspot.com/2021/10/all-my-relations.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FUeqpM+%28Love+Is+A+Place%29

Everything is Possible

A miracle is happening for me.I have for months had a dispute with our largest Phone-communication company – ( which for me is a symbol for the highest LOVE.) They have sent me a new adapter and it just would not bring the connection. Something in me knew that this was going to be a great lesson – the sysmbols are about communication – and that it was helpful to know that the connection I deepest wanted, was the connection with LOVE/GOD/Source/whatever we call it.This morning, after AGAIN feeling unjustly treated by customer service – and being certain I was RIGHT about it – I watched the first video with Autumn and Prune Harris. – This is a series about how to align with the energy of Nature – now Autumn – and I was for the first time willing to ask inside what the theme was that held me back. I was immediately brought back to my very early decision to perceive myself as hated by God – because of the horrors happening to me. I was shown the choice of my soul before this incarnation – to experience a life in a body which would be the opposite of being protected – and then – in spite of it all – finding LOVE. The REAL thing.

In one huge crying fit I saw all the persons participating in the various abuse-versions as roles in the drama that I had written and produced and play the leading role in – decided on that level before physical incarnation. I had wanted to have such a life be lived through fully – explored fully – and then coming to the realization that my soul has written the script – because it wanted most of all to prove to itself that LOVE can heal it all – and most important, heal my own perceptions.

I have been working deeply with this theme the last 50 years – and today was a deep breakthrough in simplicity – it has all to do with MY CHOICE to believe that I am a victim as my identity.

I can see my parents and brother clearer now – the correction has been put in motion – I can feel it. I believe I will experience to be close to LOVE and God again – and be sure to forgive any signs from the outside to mirror unforgiven stuff from inside.I am in awe of the perfect orchestration and TIMING of it all – including Prune’s bout with Covid 19 and her request for us all to send love and light and balance to EVERYBODY who needed it – and her rapid recovery. Everything is possible.

In When Fear Comes Home to Love I wrote 49 examples of how God ( naming It BLUE in my book) intervened playfully when I needed it most.

Here is one such story:

A clairvoyant woman tells me that I have a wonderful big heart with potential for great transformation. “I doubt that” says my ego. I feel a strong impulse to visit a special book-store nearby, they have religious books and images, and I want paintings of Jesus and Mary, and hope to find some that are not sugary.

I don’t find any images that my heart loves. I find a small bowl of metal pins, and put my hand into the bowl and pick one. It says Leelah in red writing – and it shows an image of a little amorine who is shooting an arrow of love into Leelah’s heart.

KEY

Losing keys is a common dream for most of us. And the symbol means different things to different people.

This summer, I lost two keys hiking in the woods – to my entrance door and my bike. I returned several times, walking the same trail, searching.-

Then, later,I mislaid my keys repeatedly,but found them after a lot of stress.

The latest: I wanted to copy my main key and give it to a neighbor, in case I needed them to get in in case I needed help – I live alone and am 76 years, so good for me to know I can call somebody and they will be here pretty soon.

The key-man tried to copy it three times during three weeks. The copied key did not open the door for me. When I returned, he insisted it was because my original key was WRONG. He called out each time, when I left: THIS TIME IT WILL WORK PERFECTLY! But it really didn’t.

So I at last got that this was a “lesson” as A Course in Miracles calls it – something we have called to ourselves to heal and resolve with love.

I recognized an intense urge to smash the keys in the counter in front of him to prove that I was right and he was wrong. And remembered what Jesus says in the Course: Beware of perceiving yourself as unjustly treated. – He tells us that whatever we experience, after having decided that what we want most of all, is to fully wake up to our true identity – we experience it because we have called it to us in order to find a solution that is based on a loving response rather than the ego-solution of being right.

I stated my intention to SEE the key-man with loving perception – and I saw his terror of something going on that he could not control. Hm, where have I had those thoughts – and what do I want to control? Well, VERY MUCH still. My body and pain and aging for once …

So after the third time of wrong keys I went back to him and returned them and got my money back – 200 kroner.- In numerology, 2 is the number of separation. He called after me that it is because my original key is FALSE – needing the last word, and my heart opened wide.

Then the dreams started – the last one this morning – I had a new large house, but I could not lock the main door from inside, so everybody was free to just walk in and invade the space. Then I had a new dream, where I lost BOTH my glasses and my key and the bus stop to get home.

So this is the question, dear friends and readers – if these were your dreams, what would the key symbolize?

I can’t wait to read your suggestions in the commentary field 🙂

***

Immediately after this, when I was looking for an image with keys, this opened on my desktop:

Thank you for purchasing Richard Miller’s webinar, Deepening your Inner Resource:
Your Unbreakable Wholeness of Being . Kindly follow the instructions below to access
the webinar.

Will share later ! 🙂

Blue

Here is BLUE – the sacred animal in the cover of my book When Fear Comes Home to Love.

Just today – more that 30 years since I wrote it – do I realize why the Holy came to me as an animal. I smile and smile as I realize that the animal carries no baggage – while Jesus and God carry more baggage than Chicago Airport.

The image also shows how the Holy is always present in every situation – even the very darkest ones

This is BLUE – the symbol of embodied LOVE

Here is a short snippet

“Allow me to present the Blue to you – The Presence of Love within the Myth. When I started to write this book, my idea was to explore the figures within the Image and the Myth, and find their stories and healing potential. But three years into the manuscript Blue made Her[1]* entrance.

It was during one of my agonized sleepless nights. I started to pray, and found myself talking into my little dream-recorder which stays in bed with me. I decided to pretend that I was God and knew the answers to my agony. I asked, and “God” answered. It comforted me.

This repeated itself for almost a week. Then the ego butted in and persuaded me to stop these conversations. It wanted me to take the credit for the book, not the Divine.

That stopped the process very effectively.

But then I sat down and wrote down the conversations – and saw the wisdom, humor and Light within The Answering Voice. The moment I knew, with a wave of gratefulness, that these dialogues were going to be an important part of the book, I also knew that The Voice belonged to the sacred-looking blue animal in The Image, under the root. In that revelatory moment, the structure and intent changed: before, I was trying to write a book to be accepted by the academic world, to “prove” my worth to them – a futile and impossible scheme of the ego – now it became clear to me that Blue had planned it all! So this book is written to remind us all of that Guiding Principle within, Who faithfully leads us toward our awakening.

Conversations with Blue are meandering throughout this book, and the text is also spiced with short examples of Divine play, through the form of synchronistic events and magic “coincidents.” With deep compassion and humor, She shows us how She leads us and plays with us, and how darkness can be seen as layers in an onion, opening to the radiant Light at the center.

The following dialogue is one of the very first:, from 1997. Blue’s voice is in italics:

Talking with Blue / 1997

I am here to remind you that you are a child of God – and that ALL your journeys, stories, poems and images point toward Me. I am your sunny garden, your golden haven, your sacred heart – your one and only Mother and Father. Come home to Me now – I AM LOVE. I am here to urge you to RECEIVE YOURSELF.

Who are you, Blue?

I am you. There is no separation.

Can I call you God? Can I call you Christ?

You can touch whatever consciousness you want with your heart and intention. If you address Christ, His answer will be filtered through your consciousness and through your mind. And you will give My voice the voice you have been conditioned to use.

If you address Christ, it is from the Christ-source the answer will be given. How you hear it and receive it, is up to you, and will be refined through experience – much like an artist grows into her true form. –When you – and all humans – are communicating like this, you are doing yourself a huge favor: you are taking away control from the ego, and stepping outside its prison doors, into fresh air. I repeat, I AM YOU – there is no separation, except in your mind.

Dearest Blue – why have you taken the form of an animal in my image?

To show you my playfulness… I am Divine playfulness, cohabiting with the demons under the root – so you shall not take it so very seriously, my dear.

BUT IT IS SERIOUS!!!! IT IS HORROR!!! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!!!!!

What is horrifying is to be trapped in the illusion that this Child is all you are. You need to have tremendous compassion for the Child – and at the same time recognize that you are also one with Me. The role of Child, this unhealed soul-fragment – “the one who suffers in hell” – is meant to be healed through the “Greater You.”

There is a GREATER REALITY (10) where you experience all as One. –You and I planned this drama – don’t get stuck in it! You are not the roles, you are not even the drama – but you are responsible for making the drama conscious, so you can step out of it. Yes – don’t get stuck in it, my love, PLAY WITH IT. As every actor knows, it is necessary to step out of the role. Child and Fuckeat are not YOU – it is something you explore to discover the dark places within you that you still haven’t loved and healed.

You cannot really choose love and light without knowing what darkness, denial and hatred is. When Adam and Eve were in Paradise, they did not know that it was good – before they seemed to fall from Grace.

So when you and your fellow-travelers experience and explore your root-hell, you will then have the necessary experience of torment-awareness to choose the opposite. But this choice becomes available only after having fully experienced and accepted your own tortured feelings.

Realizing the hellish drama as your own creation, [2]* will give you the impetus to choose love.

And please have fun doing it!

The essence in The Lesson of The Root is recognizing your error in identity – and then to choose again!

*

 

[1]*In the text, I may use ‘Her’ for Blue, our sacred Self, or Holy Spirit in Course-language. Blue is of course non-denominational – but in my experience, She has the quality of Divine Mother.

 

[2]* The Leelah-figure, according to the Course, creates absolutely nothing – the part of the mind that creates is outside time and space and has nothing to do with this body/personality we believe ourselves to be.

(10) At the time I was receiving this loving Voice, I was also deeply into Emmanuel’s Books: ‘Greater Reality’ is his term for Heaven.

 

 

Lucid Dreaming

I have for a while now intended to have lucid dreams – which means, becoming aware that I am the dreamer of the dream. That has happened some times, and the feeling is pretty  wonderful I think. And this morning I had one too – after having discussed lucid dreaming with my daughter yesterday.

The scene was very non-specular- a bunch of people, most of them with their back to me, waiting for something/someone -? ( Me of course!)

I saw them, and asked myself, “could this be a dream?” I got a YES, and in my hand I had a potato-peeler – like this one.

I pushed it into the back of some of the persons, and it went right through, like air. The person did not react at all – but dream-Leelah did: I sensed an electric unpleasant feeling in my midsection!

Hm.

Carl Gustav Jung ( whom I actually met once in a lucid dream LONG ago) said that all dream-persons are parts of our self.

So If I harm some of them, I also harm myself.

Sorry, dream-Leelah. Good learning.

And so to something quite different – or not-? Since we are all dreaming up this world ( says Jeshua/Jesus in A Course in Miracles and Way of Mastery, and every Non Dualist ( there really is not such a title, but but.) Yesterday I visited with M a wonderful exhibition from 1960-1977 – a bit surrealist it seemed – and we found it by entering some stairs I never had noticed before in this huge museum. There was a ginormous chest of drawers, filling a whole room – and I photoed these two drawers:

 

This is the kind of silliness that is pure healing for me. I hope you have good giggle!

Saying NO – and the Covid 19

My friend Leni Dubel ( you find her at Facebook ) had a near-death experience when she was younger, and in that numinous space she was contacted by guides and helpers who shared methods for dealing with our shadow in any way – including illness/corona

With her permission, I want to share her method here:

I have seen incredible changes in my own life by welcoming and loving each issue that happens. Surrender is also extremely powerful when it comes to being in control of the issues and no longer attracting them. Remember, your soul has its own agenda. Your reaction to these issues fuels your soul’s learning experience. When you are no longer reacting negatively to the issues, the learning stops for your soul and it does not need to continue with that particular issue anymore.

To welcome and love the issue without defending against it you: 1. Pretend that you are holding a sword and shield and then set them down.2. Welcome the issue as if it were a person, into your home or imagined sacred meeting space. 3. Take a second to love and then thank the issue. To surrender the issue you simply pretend that the issue is a present and give it to your Guides, the Universe or whomever you pray to. And then surrender all of the worry to it as well. You are not allowed to think about it after this. You can do this as often as you’d like. It will probably take some practice. And with the thoughts that you have about anything negative you simply want to tell those thoughts “no” each time that they surface. This will help to release them from their catacombs so that they no longer have manifesting power over your life.

***

I (Leelah) have recently been overwhelmed with negative self talk with strong energy. I now started to say NO! when the thoughts popped up, and it was some of the most effective strategy I ever have experienced. It stopped immediately – and then it seeped back. In A Course in Miracles, the main thing Jeshua/Jesus teaches us is that we/ some part of us/ CHOOSE everything that happens to us – and this NO is choosing again! And there is a big difference between saying NO from judgment – and just saying NO as a decision to not accept hateful thoughts into my mind any longer – I will not rent space to them in my mind, as Jeshua says in Way of the Heart.

I used Leni’s method to invite the energy of the Corona in, in the very first beginning of the year 2020. She appeared to me like a queen. I saw that she came to create great and necessary changes in the human collective mind. I started a group at Facebook where I invited people to visualize the virus in its rather beautiful rose-ish image – and allow it to transform into something that would allow us to see its true beauty behind/within the physical form. It is my experience that when we transform an image of something, we also transform the energy of that image.I invited us to see it with Christ’s vision.

I have also had friends who have got the Covid-19 – and who used their spiritual practice to intend to see it WITHOUT fear. The minute they truly SAW that it was the fear about it, that was harmful, they healed within hours.

I’ll repeat that: I have learned to recognize that it is not the virus itself that is hurtful – it is our thoughts and fears about it – our unconscious beliefs that we are being punished for our guilt etc.

Please hear that I am sharing my beliefs about it, and the experiences I have had because of the teachings and what I have experienced with students/clients the last 32 years and myself.

Here are some of the answers I got from the Facebook group – experiment:

The little but then large blue barbed balls of chaos outside of us flying at us attacking us, entering the body spinning like wild then slowing down met by pink golden light balls surrounding the virus calming the virus overtaking the virus calm loving peaceful forgiving. Transforming the blue spiked balls into pink golden light and love. Changing the spirit of mankind into compassion and trust and truth. The virus no longer exists for eternity. 🌻

*

I saw a beautiful rose unfolding, transforming into paper fireworks in many colours, and abundance gently raining down on the whole world. I felt oneness and connection. And I saw white figures all connected to both the earth and the sky, all being lifted up, some just a bit above the ground, and a few all the way up to heaven. I felt deep peace and grounding.

I feel calm and relaxed, more than I have felt in a long time. It is as though the virus has released the heavy tension I have had in my body for many years. In spite of the serious situation, I can see the future «as bright that I have to wear shades»

*

This morning I saw – without even intending to – the red dots on the virus as small children holding sacred fires in their hands, the fires lay in bowls of gold. The babies were then sitting in a circle that surrounded the image. I heard the babies’ happy voices, and I still get shivers when i describe the holiness of it all. The yellow dots were all fuzzy baby birds – chicken, ducks, I don’t know – the gray was silk, and it emanated tenderness and protection. The white was snow lanterns – very soon we will see them as light filled.

I invite you to LISTEN to the sounds emanating from this image – they feel like blessings

*

Please know that I in no way am interested in pushing my beliefs and Faith on my readers. I want to share what is true for me, and what is seen as true in my spiritual teachings.

And feel free to comment, as always 🙂

Lost Keys Found

Waking up with desert-mouth – thinking, I will start to stink if this continues – no water in mouth, only bacteria

I found myself saying  – well – I just allow this to be healed.

And then it started to heal!

Water seeped into my mouth – tears came – while I was shown images of group of shunned ones – living in colonies like the leprous.

I realized how much I avoid using the word God and Jesus  – strong memories of being persecuted – much safer to hide who I am and what my faith is

AS the water returned, I noticed that I HAD just found The Keys to the Kingdom – to heal, I just need to allow healing to happen and trust  the process

And the irritation about the lost keys just evaporated – without losing them, I would not have been able to appreciate Spirit’s play with metaphors. And I had found that healing is available as soon as I allow it – and hopefully, get most of my parts with me on it:)

I allowed my misperception to be healed –  that I was a “lesser” human being.”

And then later,I got this photo  as a prompt in my Writer Group, and wrote this poem:

 

Prophet 

Dressing for war today-
Wearing my banger on my back
Ready to fire
And blast somebody’s fake face off
Smiles like
Explosives painted with puppies 
and rainbows
Those folks who give you their hand
And smile until you want to
Run run run

I put my ragged uniform on
Stiff with sweat and angst
And memories filling my pockets
Like crushed bird eggs
This time , no more trusting and 
being shot in the back
The bile bitter in my throat
When suddenly
A piano
Where there should be none
I know it should not be here
It IS here
And Der Vogel als Prophet shimmers from it

My father played that so very well
My mother standing behind him, hand on his shoulder
my inner guns silenced
I do not want them to, I want to fire
But that little prophet -
The battlefield sighs just once
And the war is over
I cannot stand that it is over
It is over

Vandalized Wood

My hundreds of years old wood

I love the way it felt like going through a tunnel, the light playing on the trunks

Yesterday I went for a hike in my beloved wood, close to my home.

It was not there. It had been cleared – lumbered – and as I walked through the familiar path, the views were now open – and the scars were everywhere.

It was a shock  –  MY wood had been vandalized!

Now you might read the description of the wood like your own inner wood/soul landscape – like C.G Jung would.

I felt like all my safety and support had been shaken up and pulled up – like my entrails  now was hanging out of my mouth – sorry for that graphic image folks –

I was talking to my daughter in my cell phone as I walked, and I noticed how cool I was describing it – hmm I will feel this deeply when I come home, I knew.

I share this, since I have understood that many of my readers have been abused in some way – and some of them are bi-polar – so they will be able to pick up the healing energy as they read the post through, and BE HELPED just by hooking into the energy of forgiveness and healing of abuse of any kind.

I believe I have come into this incarnation to do just that – clear the structure of archetypal pain of “the victim” on as many levels as I can.

As soon as one of us chooses to see our wounds with love and forgiveness, that healing is AVAILABLE for all – and now it is up to everyone to truly accept it for themselves. That has taken 76 years in this life for me

As a therapist since 1988 – and supervisor for 20 years -I have gathered mine and my patients’ healing experiences in my book “ When Fear Comes Home to Love.”

Take a breath here

I felt very bad at home – and was convinced it was COVID-19: I was feverish and it was REALLY hard to breathe. It lasted all day and much of the night, and in the morning, I called out for Anna – Jesus’ grandmother – who always for some wonderful reason has been infinitely close.

I invited her to breathe with my lungs, and in a minute or two all the symptoms were gone.

So I asked: Where have I vandalized a landscape as vast and wonderful like this wood?

Ahh – it was my inner wood I had vandalized.

I immediately recognized it:

This happened when I returned home when I was about 4 years old and hade been brutally abused in a wood close by.

 I got home, I don’t know how, and rang the bell. My mother came out and SAW me – there was a terrified look on her face as she SAW what had happened –

and then she turned it into something I had wrong wrong – ripped  and soiled my clothes.

In that shattering moment when I understood that I would NOT be comforted – I could NOT share what had happened and my experiences of it – the inner vandalizing started. I told myself this must be something fundamentally WRONG with me – and my salvation was of course to start bettering everything about me.

That procedure was in itself a recipe for self hatred.

Here is in short the forgiveness-process that Jeshua gives in the Way of the Heart.

FORGIVENESS Jeshua
1. “Use your ordinary experience in each day to observe what pushes your buttons… As you go through your day, observe when you feel as though you are in contraction. Are the muscles of the body tight? Is the breath very shallow?… That is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself… Therefore, count it a blessing if you feel disturbed.” (page 35)

“Begin to breathe deeply and rhythmically. Let the body softened and relax, and ask: ‘What is it within this person’s energy that is really causing my reaction?’ You will see it right away: “Oh, they are so critical. Criticism pushes my buttons.“ Then ask yourself: ‘When have I done that to another?’
“Watch the image dissolve and disappear from your mind. Bring your awareness back to the present moment and that person that just pushed your button… within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being (e.g.) critical to temporarily make a home in their mind. And merely ask the Holy Spirit to see the innocent light within them.” (page 36)

I made a choice in that moment – to squeeze out any inner signs for needs – like comfort, like “being saved.” Because, said my mind, my mother surely HAD TO BE RIGHT – I had to trust my mother.

And this glorious night, as I used the forgiveness formula with Anna present – breathing through me – I watched the image of the two of us dissolve in light and disappear from my mind. I saw the innocent light around and in  us both – and I recognized our soul contract: – she and my father had soul-signed up to play these roles for me, so I at last in this incarnation could get a good hold of it all, look at it with love, forgive it and let it go. ***

***

I have been working with this theme for over 30 years. It has taken a lot of work and stubbornness to get to this place.And the trees had grown REALLY tall and the Light had trouble getting in to it.

My daughter suggested in the phone that I might return and present the de-lumbered wood with gifts. I see myself walking through it and singing and dancing to it – giving my energy to the place which is now open to new growth.Most important – now LIGHT can reach all the way down to the very ground.

I hope this experience has done this with me: cleared me out for receiving LIGHT all the way down to my very roots

And here are som more photos of the old wood:

 

You can see the light blue spot to the left – that is a broader hiking trail to the top of the mountain. Now all the trees you see here are cut down. There is free access to the main path to the top 🙂

Forgiveness

This blog is the place for me to share openly ( often with embarrassment) – to support myself in giving my self a voice, and share the insights and gift from my spiritual and creative process.

In my Course in Miracles blog, I share the lessons from the universe where I use what I have learned through the Course and the three books by Jayem; The Way of the Heart, the Way of Mastery and the Way of Knowing.

In the Way of the Heart, chapter three instructs us thoroughly through the forgiveness process, as Jeshua/ Jesus explains it and learned it.

FORGIVENESS Jeshua
1. “Use your ordinary experience in each day to observe what pushes your buttons… As you go through your day, observe when you feel as though you are in contraction. Are the muscles of the body tight? Is the breath very shallow?… That is a sign that you need to do healing within yourself… Therefore, count it a blessing if you feel disturbed.” (page 35)
“Begin to breathe deeply and rhythmically. Let the body softened and relax, and ask: ‘What is it within this person’s energy that is really causing my reaction?’ You will see it right away: “Oh, they are so critical. Criticism pushes my buttons.“ Then ask yourself: ‘When have I done that to another?’
“Watch the image dissolve and disappear from your mind. Bring your awareness back to the present moment and that person that just pushed your button… within yourself, forgive them for allowing the energy of being (e.g.) critical to temporarily make a home in their mind. And merely ask the Holy Spirit to… see the innocent light within them.” (page 36)
2. “It is very, very important to let each day to be sufficient unto itself. When you end your day, always truly end it… As you take a deep breath as you rest your head upon the pillow, look upon of the whole day, embrace it with your consciousness, and as you let your breath go out, say silently to yourself: ‘I release and forgive this day. It has been perfect. And it is done.’” (page 38)’

I have studied this for many years – and it is amazing how many layers there has been for me to see the simplicity in it. Example: This night I found issues with betrayal from a brother – and looked for a situation within me where I had done the same. I could see it – and what was more important was, that I could see that at that time I thought I had no choice – I thought I HAD to stay with that man,since inside me was a terrified little girl who was raised to believe that she could NOT take care of herself – so I traded “safety” for “being supported.”

This time I embraced her – and also fully embraced my mother who also had that pattern – and my brother too – and saw how it all was splendidly set up for me for truly experience all flavors of it this life. Now waves of light flowed into me, and I gradually could see the sacred essence of them all – and recognize the “contracts” we set up before this incarnation – to play these roles in our family to make these energies available to be seen, known and transformed. Since it is not possible to forgive anything I haven’t first embraced.

To see Jekyll and Hyde-abuse as a valuable lesson for us who want to wake up is what my books are all about – how can I use it creatively – poetically – how can we create art out of it?

Since art and playfulness is the very essence of our true Self

Maybe that is good question for you too – “what has my experiences led me to believe / do/ think that is truly valuable?

IF not, I would not have been able to write ” When Fear Comes Home to Love” which has helped so many – students /patients/readers .

and the 108 creative exercises in “108 Ways to Transform Crises into Possibilities” –

and Hilaryon Stories – a novel

When you click at the images, you will be led to reviews

Christ coming toward m