Age-old Urges in Women

Today I was visiting my doc to talk about my “eating disorder.” As usual, it took quite another direction than I expected. My doc interrupted me – in a very kind and gentle way – and talked about urges in women from eons back – how women, when pregnant, got the strangest urges for what they needed – like soot and dirt. As he spoke, I SAW that the urge I had to fill myself up with something was coming from deep inside the feminine mind – and seeing that, the judgments at myself – and at the urge – started to dissipate. A deep compassion took its place – and a patience for everything women have taken on to carry and live through – and that there is a time for everything, and it seems to be an end-time for this pattern.

I got another gift from my beloved doc: I asked if it was OK to shake hands again – and he took my hand in his BIG one and covered it with his other. It felt like he held a little bird baby there – and it was the first contact I have had with another’s hands since the Pandemic started almost 2 years ago. How wonderful it feels to shake hands


My friend Kit and I Skype each fourteenth day – since 14 years! – and we both shared about being in survival mode – and how we both, during the last 14 days, had started breathing practices whenever we found ourselves in survival mode. Something had shifted for us both – and Kit shared how breathing had stopped the instant identification with HELP!!! -and I shared that some of my most hilarious joy filled experiences had been when I was in the backseat of a BIG motorbike, and the driver started to WROOM it – wrrom wrooom wrooom, like a wild beast roaring. I remember how I have smiled when I have witnessed people wrroomming their pets cycles – and how fun it is to wroom myself and feel that particular power in my belly, allowing it to burst out in a deep resonant voice.

Good yoga! I have told myself – and just wrooming a little has such a power to instantly break the trance of overwhelm – it is a shift in perspective that is quite astounding. I need to remember that it is a CHOICE – and practice to drill it in.

If you have fun with this , let me know



Leelah the Happy Lion

I went for a hike in the wood today – there is not much wood left though, most of the very old sky high trees had to be cut down, as they could break and harm/kill people.
Still, it is MY wood 🙂
I the middle of the wood before, there was a ruin-wall, and taggers were allowed to play there. It belonged to them.I loved that wall, it was renewed many times.
Now the wall is out of the wood, in the middle of nowhere. Today two taggers were there, and I waved happily to them, they waved back. On my way back later, I stopped by and we talked, I asked for a guy’s mail adress, I wanted to share many strange and wonderful “paintings” I once found in that wood – taggers had an “exhibition” there, they had tagged large and marvelous and wild images on cardboard and attached their work to trees like an exhibition. It felt magical to me, I asked the guys if maybe they made that exhibition, they said no. But I had taken lots of photos from it and got one guy’s mail adress so I could share some.
Same evening JO mailed me and told about a forest ranger coming by and telling them that people may complain.
But they finished their piece – and included a greeting – with my name Leelah down left
I feel strangely honored 🙂

Grafitti and Clouds

Went for a hike in the wood, found some sweet taggers doing their play at a wall-ruin intended for this. I shared a story from 13 years ago when i discovered an area in this wood where some very inventive taggers had made an art exhibition of their own. They had tagged on big card boards and attached them with POLICE TAPE to trees. Hmm.

It looked magical.

Today, at the same place, nature had taken her space back. I wanted to share a couple of the work (I intentionally blurred the pieces:)

This was from a bigger piece, broken off. The colors were sensational in their beauty
A piece of beauty
“The heavenly castle.” I went back to the exhibition after dark
And this one – I named it The Guardian –

Some places they had attached bigger pieces to trees – so it was clearly an exhibition.

Now its all gone – and I am glad I took those pictures

An here is a sweeter thing:



and these beautiful clouds:

Walk in the rain

The forecast tells us that it will rain constantly for at least 12 days – so my daughter and I decided we would not wait for better weather, and met on a place between our homes.

Down at the seaside there are several age-old trees that are gnarled by storms  and saltwater- their roots are exposed, the soil  washed away – but they have been like that for at least the last 40 years. And look at these two old sweethearts – they have connected  their roots



Transformation in a special area

E.g illness, patterns

She points out how important it is to be crystal clear about our intention. Mine was to heal my throat chakra, allowing myself to speak my truth and feel safe.

Going through the exercise felt wonderful, and I could sense that something important happened. Same night – the last one – I had this wonderful dream:

I was in a big classroom with 15-17 year old kids. I was a teacher. Somebody mentioned the word suitcase-water, and I asked what it meant. Instantly all of them laughed at me: she does not know what suitcase-water is!

“Not yet” I smiled ( and meaning it – there was not an inch in me that took their scorn seriously. They all turned into friends, and explained the expression ( which I do not remember!)

The feeling – to be able to feel completely safe and loving while talking – was now fully anchored. I have no words how good it felt to be me in that room.

Awake, I pondered that in addition to feeling happy and safe while speaking, there is also times when you are radiant and bright and truly excel – and that TOO may me met with scorn.

In Scandinavia, we have a famous writer, Aksel Sandemose. He composed a law called the Jante Law – after a small danish island named Jante. Ex:

You must not believe you ARE something.

You shall not believe you can teach US something.

You shall not believe you are better than US.

And so on

When I lived in L.A for a year, I noticed that this law does not exist there.

It still exist here – so that’s why it felt so amazingly wonderful to be outside of it – and at the same time, NOT be someone who pretends to be higher and wiser and better than. In my dream, I had their deep appreciation that I did not react negatively to their scorn.

I’d love to hear comments from you about this – being either “stupid” OR a”stuck-up” – and BOTH are reproachable.

I am going to do the video exercize this night too 🙂

Messages from the universe

-Which includes the virtual level – my PC for one

I marvel at the creativity that guides me and uses anything to catch my attention

I just bought a ticket to a concert called JOY where my excellent composer daughter will premiere her composition “Child” for cello.

There was a sensation of something mean in the atmosphere. I bought a ticket and was given a password to receive my ticket. The password was –


Well that is some password I thought, and felt that sensation again – and a soft swish-sound from my sleeping-room – and there had a poster slid down on the floor:

This is from the Waldorf school – sadly there is no name of painter on it – but the title is Resurrection

I thought, well it may have come up to be released -so I sat and offered it love.


It is still a cold here, but it is moving.

Then I found this is my mail, from Love IS A Place Within:

(The student) ought to succeed in noting that nothing of all that is from him, is him.

He, physically and mentally, is a multitude of others.
This “multitude of others” includes the material –the ground, one might say– which he owes to his heredity, to his atavism, then those which he has ingested, which he has inhaled from before his birth, by the help of which his body was formed, and which, assimilated by him, have become with the complex forces inherent in them, constituent parts of his being.

On the mental plane, this “multitude of others” includes many beings who are his contemporaries: people he consorts with, with whom he chats, whose actions he watches. Thus a continual inhibition is at work while the individual absorbs a part of the various energies given off by those with whom he is in contact, and these incongruous energies, installing themselves in that which he considers his “I”, form there a swarming throng.

—Alexandra David-Néel
The Secret Oral Teachings in Tibetan Buddhist Sects


So here is the Steiner-tradition – and the Tibetan Buddhist Tradition – I have loved and studied both – there must be a place for something that has been named strong louse too – a being composed of strong projections of anything we will NOT accept in ourselves so I will give it some more time – sit with it kindly and see what happens

Nature Creatures Comes Alive

My daughter and I took a long hike around an island/islet nearby – Calf’s islet. Hundreds of people out hiking – many families – it was wonderful to see so many mask-free people enjoying life together. Lots of space there 🙂

Suddenly I saw that M would look marvelous with those long stiff yellowish straws – so we found a place outside of the path, she laid down and I placed the straws on her – and started to take pictures. She looked like she was in heaven, so incredibly peaceful.

Here as some photos, with her permission.

deep happiness and rest
and then the straw creature came alive

Then I found a strange mossy cap-like thing and decided I wanted to see how it fitted me. I felt the same deep intense peace and happiness

I felt like new born for hours after. Intimate experience -like we dipped into a level that felt familiar in an unexpected way. Now the body KNOWS how to feel deep peace, just beingness.

When we walked back, we found shrubberies and tall stiff grass  where we could play another time.


You Never Know

I am a member of a writer-group – and we have also a bi-weekly poetry contest, where we are given themes and certain rules to obey. Maybe you can see the format for this poem?

You Never Know
Do not regret being kissed by
Elves. Enjoy their antics, 
Fun and feisty fabulousness 
Greet them with grateful gestures
And then wait for your wish to be fulfilled.

After you’ve swooned in sheer tipsiness 
Before you fall asleep in upside-down elf dreams
Caress your beloved and 
Discover her dimple anew.
Then pay the elves seven fresh moonbeams

This is probably arranged for me by elves.

WATER – science, art and consciousness

I have lately mentioned my mouth-and -eye-dryness-thingy – and working/playing with it, the Universe flushes these wondrous news on me. I have noticed how certain kind and loving thoughts of Truth instantly bring water back in my mouth and eyes – and this night I dreamt I had to leave my bike a place where there was almost a flood. Something exciting is happening!

This morning my FB friend Gloria posted this video about water’s ability to remember / take into itself / the images of the objects it flows over and through. A woman artist and photographer – Veda Austin – has stunning videos and photos at her website, where scientists like Rupert Sheldrake admits their willingness to open their mind to incredible stuff like this.

If you ever had the chance to see dr.Masaru Emoto’s photoes of frozen crystals of water – who had been subjected to either blessings or curses – this is taking it FAR deeper/higher.

I have noticed the last two days – before I saw this video – that my drinkwater suddenly stepped up a notch – it tastes WONDERFUL. So what I will do from now on. is to actively imbue it with love before I use it to drink or in food – or water my plants with it. Mmmm – how would it feel to go out in pouring rain and burst into blessings, I wonder? Would the blessings evaporate into clouds and rain down on somebody far away, giving them a moment of happiness?


As I opened my mail right after posting this, there was a message there:

You sent an automatic payment to charity: water

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Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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