Forgiveness-exercise

This is from chapter “Snake” in When fear Comes Home to Love.”

Forgiveness – exercise

1) Visualize yourself as a child, and ask your inner Guide to lead you to a situation where you sensed your parents’ fear and chaos in the air, and your body instantly reacted to that and identified with it. Try to find the moment where you internalized the craziness, and made it your fault that your parents behaved crazy and scary.

Now JUST LET IT BE THERE IN THE BODY. Breathe kindly around the sensations, if there are voices just let go of them, you are resting in God this very moment when you say yes to what is there in your mind and nervous system. There is nothing more to do – just rest with whatever presents itself.

Another variation: If you are one of many who need a bit of help to release stuck energies from hidden pockets in the energy-system, I suggest you go to an EFT-site and download a free manual of the method. When you tap with your fingers on certain points in the meridian-system, while at the same time as you hold the pain or memory in your awareness, the most surprising releases may happen. It is very easy to learn the method – but may take time to truly master it. The Course reminds us that forgiveness is just looking, without judgment -and this is what you do: the tapping just removes the unnecessary charge of pain from the nervous system, while you look at the content with the Holy Spirit.”

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TRUST

About a week ago, a neighbor living across my house told me that our newly rehabilitated roof had a lot of water on it. A LOT. The new drains were obviously clogged. Another neighbor climbed up and had to dismantle the drain-filter, and removed what looked like a bunch of leaves  – and I went bananas. I went right into the old pattern of disaster, and will spare you all the scenarios that I made that “proved” to me that the situation was lethal.

I mailed the leader of the building firm with a complaint. No answer. I called, he told me he would look into it. Another neighbor delivered a complaint too.

Next day another yet another neighbor told me that he had seen the photo of the clog – and it was in fact not leaves, but “noses” from Maplewood.

When I was a child, we used to attach these seed to our noses.

Maple Seed

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This was a symbol; somebody was thumbing their nose at me. Hm. That sounded like Blue – or Life. Or “my” process. That meant that this possible yearly clogging was season-conditioned, just a week or so.

The firm leader mailed us back and told us we had no case.

“TRUST”I heard,  but I was back in convincing disaster mode – lost in spinning scenarios about how to “stand up to him, find a lawyer to have my “right” and all that fuss. I knew I was caught, but could not seem to free myself.

Another neighbor mailed him “ how irresponsible!”

I sensed I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to win any longer.  I didn’t want to act out of that separated state of mind.And I prayed for help to see the situation  – and his behaviour -differently…

Then I saw this photo by Ruby Julian on Facebook:

RUBY13235587_634765590014109_2288927018561585728_o - Kopi

I was instantly transported into bliss. This is a Tortoise, perched on a rock, stretching its head toward the sky – and for me, the atmosphere in the image is one of melting in to Oneness. Gravity seems to be suspended –  the animal balances between heaven and earth, and its reflection is crystal clear in the clear water.

In the shower ( where so many wonder-shifts happen) I KNEW: I do not want to see the leader like  an antagonist. I knew he answered as he had because of something that had happened to him that made him stressed – and that this was not his true self.

I remembered how kind and patient he had been all the times I called him – and how he always had fixed things I did not like, fixed it so it was even better that before. I knew  by his voice and manner that he loved his work – and this love and respect was reflected in his workers, who were like him – courteous, kind, excellent workers enjoying themselves.

So I wrote him a mail, describing how I had experienced him – knowing that what he wanted, was that all of us were pleased and content with the result. Himself included.

And sending it, I KNEW that all is well, whatever seem to happen.

No disaster mode.

I had a  Skype sharing with Kit right after this, and found the terrified inner child who thought it was safe to be scared – it was a protection against being shocked, by being prepared of the worst. Kit listened while I talked to the child -“ I love you so much, I so understand why you think it is safe to expect the worst. You don’t need to be afraid any more – but it’s OK, if you choose it.”

Big release: how wonderful it was to hear that being scared was a choice – and that there was no judgment about it.

Our Skype session ended. In the last seconds, Kit exclaims, “Right now outside my window is a waterfall of noses – they spin to the ground! And there is a man with a high-pressure hose!”

TRUST

I can TRUST the process

I CAN TRUST the process. There may be dreadful energies/feelings in-between – but I will always find back to the state of utter surrender that the Tortoise expresses.

And the automatic judgment of those scared feelings and that disaster-prone child has gone

 

 

 

 

 

The loving Heart

I have great respect for the work I have done the last 26 years in this life – and the strength in the archetypes that I have written about in “When fear comes home to Love” ( you may click on book in right menu to find out more.) The most common complaint this Leelah has, is this: “Whatever I do and experience of healing and realizations obviously are not enough to remove this all-powerful energy field, manifesting as huge pains everywhere and depression. And let’s not forget hatred and hopelessness and desperation. HOPELESS.”

Still, I have trotted along – most frequently remembering to trust the process.

The – shall I call it “madness”? returned with full power this morning. I sat down with it, asked for help, and suddenly the voices of Love were all there was.

“You know what this is: it is the old Leelah-child-identity. What hurts so much is your belief that you you ARE it – still. And the only way for you to give up this belief is for you to allow her to express whatever she wants – in your voice, out loud:) and just listen. Repeat back when needed. The more you experience that you ARE the big heart that holds is all, it will be impossible for the old energy-identity to claim that it is you.

Your one and only problem is your belief that you think you ARE this agony when you feel this agony. You know this too – right?

And each time you wake up – or lay sleepless the whole night – with these agony fields – is a shining possibility to turn TO it and thus claim your divine identity as Christ.

The Christ in you (all) has already healed everything. We remind you of that, again and again: you but see what has already happened. Be aware of this when your inner girl’s agony screams out to be heard: allow the feelings to rise – and now, safely anchored in the Christ consciousness that is your birthright. All It does, is to bless – and not judge. If you hear judgments, that is the little girl too – forgive them all, remember you are listening to an old tape from human consciousness that is healed the moment you listen without judgment.”

I went downstairs and opened my journal. This sketch lay on the page I opened. It is just a blob of colors on a paper-palette – and I noticed that I had made a figure and a story of out that blog years ago.

Here is “The Loving Heart” – or angel – holding the red bleeding wound/child/ close to the one Heart that we all share.

And more than anything, this is a God-sent sign that I CAN – and CHOOSE to – trust the process. When pain and depression comes,  my job is to turn toward it and love it: knowing I AM that LOVE.

blog

 

Open letter

Dear Mickey

You and I have very similar patterns of hurt from childhood. The drama going on on the Real Life – thread on Writers’ Forum is mirroring the constant agony going on in the mind of anyone having been abused and betrayed. Following the thread a little while – and also having read many of your posts on different Forums – has brought this old agony to the surface in my mind. Which is a blessing, really – now it can be dealt with and brought to Love.

As long as I did not do that, but identified with the hurt child and the drama of innocent and guilty at the Real Life thread, I became ill – just as the starter of the thread. This lasted until this night, when I prayed deeply for help.

I heard: What would Love have done?

So I got out of bed – 3 am -and listened to Love and wrote it down. Slept on it,and asked for a sign to post it or not.My yogi teabag for breakfast read: “Don’t let anyone fall.”

 

What would Love have done?

Love would recognize primal fear and paranoia and embrace it. Just sitting with it, letting it be, noticing the stories but not getting caught in them.

As long as one positions oneself as one of the seemingly  separate players in that old guilt-slinging game of attack and defense     = war  – one is in the  conditioned mind, ruled by fear, and is unavailable to the Love that is always here. It is always here because it is our very nature.

Dear Mickey. Your comment to my book was written from this clarity and Love. I felt blessed reading it. I then read your blog and recognized the wisdom it was written with. But you have also – as have we all  – this hurt, unhealed, agonized inner child. And when you express yourself FROM this role, he calls on this agonized child in all the others.

These children can not agree on anything. But Love can embrace all of them. They can not be aware of Love’s Presence as long as they identify with the hurtful victim-role. The ego’s favorite game is” who is right and who is wrong – who is innocent and who is guilty and attacker.” And when we do play that age old trance- game and look at each other as separate players, – these hells  of fear and guilt-slinging open and suck us in. When push comes to shove, this atmosphere feels so familiar. It is. We grew up in it.

When we are willing to rise about that level, and ask for help, we see only terrified children trying to believe that they are have done nothing wrong, are not guilty. But deep down the children DO believe they are guilty – they have been told so by their abusers.

Dear Mickey. You have done nothing wrong. And the ones who reacted to your post have their right to react just as crazy and scared as they do. The conditioned mind, which thinks it is separate from Love, jumps at any invitation to play its favorite mind of “me” and “them.” Guilty or innocent. Right or wrong. There is an immense powerful addictive quality for the abused ones in that game:  the inner child identifies these feelings as its HOME. Nothing feeds the ego thought system as playing this game.

But the ego is nothing else than a thought of separation. When we are drawn into its thought system of fear and projection, we enter the world of war. In war there are clear separate parts: they each defend their belief that they need to win to have space and peace. When Love looks at war, It sees confused mind fighting itself. It also sees that the possibility exists that one sees “the enemy” as a construct – and instead recognizes a brother in pain, who is only crying out for love.

 

You have in so many threads at Writers’ Forum shown yourself as a true master. You have also shown the terrified guilt ridden little boy who screams to all of us: I am innocent.

We are all innocent. Fear takes hold of us and we act out of old patterns of intense terror .And then we really cannot see and know each other. The only thing that is happening is a bunch of shit-scared children who cannot see the truth in each other because they are caught in their old stories, and seeing through distorted filters they established when they were small.

The filters are still in action as long as we have not integrated our childhood pain. The filters were placed there by adults who themselves had been demonstrated these filters and brought them on to their children. They all do the best they can, with the cards they have been dealt. See this, and be free.

There are only two forces here: Love and fear. Love must be actively chosen. When we do, we can take the position as Love – or Presence – which embraces all that agony, just by lovingly being with it.

That’s the only way out of the nightmare.

Unicorn

I recently had a Skype session with Stacy Sully. Here is what Nouk Sanchez says about her:

For anyone with any kind of challenge whether it is physical or emotional, Stacy helps access the core. Her ability to heal is a direct result of her total trust in and certainty of God – being all Love with no opposite.

She acts as a conduit and heals by going beyond (looking past appearances) polarities, i.e. sick or healthy. She helps us access our Center, the Holy Place within…where all is perfection. This Center knows no fear, no pain, no loss, no sickness and no deprivation. In this Center all is one and all is perfect. It is here in our Holy Self where only God’s Law (Love) is present. And as we learn to access this sacred state, the blocks to the awareness of Love’s presence must fall away.
Her work reminded me of my shamanistic past – she healed blocks to Love’s presence by joining with them and letting them go. I did not feel any different in a big way – but an etheric disturbance on the right side of the head was healed, and suddenly my hearing is better! And this night I discovered that when the usual disaster-thoughts come, I could just notice them and not attach to them at all – just allowing them to float by. There was no judgment.

I was also invited to be with the inner 2-year old more often, and invited to remind her of a unicorn we once saw at an exhibition: it was an installation – the artist Børre Sæthre  had placed a white (stuffed) horse in a blue and white chamber and made a unicorn out of him.

This is unfortunately the only image that exists – it can’t be enlarged – but you’ll get an impression.

Entering that chamber I was luckily alone, and I could freely feel the enormous longing that came up. Tears and tears and tears – I sensed a longing “back to” this world where such creatures exist and can be communicated to. It felt like a true homecoming, and in this space my inner child – enchanted –  felt safe.

I believe she felt safe because she sensed that this dimension was separate from the horror-dimension she usually lived in.

So this night I dreamed that my child in real life, now 33 years younger as a toddler – symbolizing my inner child – phoned me and told me she could not enter our home. When I woke up I realized that my inner child still thinks our former apartment is where she lives – she still have not “moved in with me” in our condo. Still dissociated – displaced – but she is not any longer “taking over” my identity and nervous system. When I notice her inside, I just have to take the time to be with her, allow safety and Love to be with us, and point to the Unicorn – grotto.To her, the Holy Spirit is a Unicorn.

Please note that nothing written here is intended as medical advice. Readers who think that they need help with a physical or psychological condition are advised to seek a qualified opinion.

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