The storyteller is absent

When I exited the bus-station today, one begging person of the three was gone. She had left a big sheet of old cardboard with a very strong story was written: she had had a baby and her house was taken by a flood. One could give money in an empty coffee Styrofoam cup.
No begging “person” present there: just her story.
What an awesome metaphor of me letting go of this old pattern.

emergency room

Yesterday I was brought to the emergency-room at the Hospital to have my heart examined: I might have had a small infarct. There were endless examinations and questions and blood tests and x-rays and reports to be written, and in between I just waited in an emergency-room. Luckily I had brought a wonderful book with me – but still, I was feeling very bad. And not pain-wise – most of the pain had left – there was just something about that room, that situation.

It was very quiet there. Two other old people were being examined. No rush, all was calm.

I was released after 4 hours, my heart had not had an infarct. And still I felt more depressed that I had been for months.

After some hours in bed at night I woke up with a clear insight: I am not these depressed feelings. I realized that I had simply picked up the emergency-room’s energy – or gestalt, if you will – and identified with it.

The depression, panic and stress  immediately slid right off me. I am not this.

I am also not the thoughts of disaster, victim-hood and agony. I am not any story about “me and  my pain.”

Suddenly I noticed that I did not fear any of these old thoughts and stories any longer: I am not these stories. I am the Holy Son of God, and  can allow these thoughts to become unstuck and return to the emptiness they came from.

Worth

Leaving the buss-station,my path crosses 3 beggars in a short distance. They are from Rumania,and they beg the old European way: hands together in prayer position, and tormented expressions. I get the same feeling each time: a mixture of disgust/anger/hatred/guilt and pity. Yesterday I decided to ask Blue to see them as He does. Something heavy inside let go – and on my way to the first beggar I knew that I would recognize the Holy Son of God. I started to smile. I smiled at the young woman without seeing her as “beggar” at all – just  my  Holy Brother. She, being seen without her role, looked at me and smiled radiantly with no begging-energy whatsoever. And I realized that I had given her what she really wanted: I had seen her worth. A recognition had been made.

I see that I have been doing the same begging thing so often  – without the rags and bags. Don’t I go after others validation? Don’t I believe somehow that they can give me something I do not own? That it is possible to get it from “others?”

In the moment when we recognized our Spirit, there was a field of immense Grace and worth. And I knew that no amount of money could compare to the worth she had been given – and the lesson  I had experienced.

When I smiled at her on my way back, it felt like we had always been the best of friends. And again Grace was present.

T-18.I.10. In you there is no separation, and no substitute can keep you from your brother. 2 Your reality was God’s creation, and has no substitute. 3 You are so firmly joined in truth that only God is there. 4 And He would never accept something else instead of you. 5 He loves you both, equally and as one. 6 And as He loves you, so you are. 7 You are not joined together in illusions, but in the Thought so holy and so perfect that illusions cannot remain to darken the holy place in which you stand together. 8 God is with you, my brother. 9 Let us join in Him in peace and gratitude, and accept His gift as our most holy and perfect reality, which we share in Him.

T-18.I.11. Heaven is restored to all the Sonship through your relationship, for in it lies the Sonship, whole and beautiful, safe in your love. 2 Heaven has entered quietly, for all illusions have been gently brought unto the truth in you, and love has shined upon you, blessing your relationship with truth. 3 God and His whole creation have entered it together. 4 How lovely and how holy is your relationship, with the truth shining upon it! 5 Heaven beholds it, and rejoices that you have let it come to you. 6 And God Himself is glad that your relationship is as it was created. 7 The universe within you stands with you, together with your brother. 8 And Heaven looks with love on what is joined in it, along with its Creator.