Resisting Love

Anybody who has been abused/molested or has been on the perpetrator side,this is for you. You may just be helped a lot by “When Fear Comes Hoe to Love” in the right menu.

Last night in bed, I wanted to link up with Love again – realizing this is a habit that needs reinforcing to build new neural pathways. Big hiccupping started in the solar plexus, and I saw an intense dark resistance there: I will NOT have any connection with Light!

“What do you need?” I asked – remembering my old work with the demonic 25 years ago. I told it “ I am here for you, I am not going anywhere..”

At once I saw the image of myself in the old garden four years old, that I describe in the Chapter BIRD in my book “When Fear Comes Home to Love.” BIRD is the archetype of the one who sees her SOLE worth as being there for everybody else – and not herself, whom she judges wrong and guilty.

It is the archetype that resists the light – as it is anchored and springs from the very belief that it is the opposite of love, and so would be annihilated by it.

I hold the child who identified with the archetype: now: I got you! This is just a memory – what you feel are just coming from your conviction that you are NOT what you are: Pure Light made in God’s Image. And when you put an “I” behind those thoughts, they become your identity.

I see the energy gestalt squirming and fighting, and ask my beloved female illumines Quan Yin, Aurora, Shekinah and Anna to stand around what I called me, and I ask the Legions Of Light to stand at the very entrance of the Solar Plexus Chakra in the spine – and from there shine their light through the Solar Plexus out of the navel. They tell me it will take some time, and that I need to remember to breathe it all out when I notice the discomfort.

The little one that I split off completely sits on my lap and witnesses it, no longer identified with it – like waking up from a thousand years old nightmare

 

 

I choose the joy of God instead of pain

With a giggle I see that today’s lesson in the Course is nr 190, I choose the joy of God instead of pain. I have enjoyed pasting paragraphs in blue of it in my post

Here follows what I took down in my recorder this early morning.What is so wonderful is that I was One with that Voice -Leelah melted into it – so now, I allow It to speak to those of you who need to hear exactly this. I love you!

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You who have tremendous pain in your life –  frequent pain,chronic pain – it is not really the pain you fear – you fear the suffering.And suffering comes because when we seem to be in tremendous relentless pain, most of us turn away from it – or against it – resisting it.

What if this pain is not what it seems to be. What if it is our great possibility for connecting – RE-connecting with Love? What if our habitual chronic resistance pattern in the ego is the problem?

Turn toward it, my friend – and it stops being suffering and turns into suchness.

It is your greatest friend.

In moment when your YES comes, you look at it – and gradually it dawns on you that you are the eternal loving embracing awareness of it. And you were never something else.

You are never in pain. And that is why you have chosen to come here to this earth this life, to experience situations and stories which brings this pain in this body –  forgetting who you really are, believing you are a victim of it.

You have chosen that, my Beloved – in order to wake up in full acceptance of it- in full gratitude, innocence and curiosity embracing it – thereby transforming it and transmuting the energy into the blazing incomprehensible Light that is your true nature.

W-pI.190.7. The world may seem to cause you pain. 2 And yet the world, as causeless, has no power to cause. 3 As an effect, it cannot make effects. 4 As an illusion, it is what you wish. 5 Your idle wishes represent its pains. 6 Your strange desires bring it evil dreams. 7 Your thoughts of death envelop it in fear, while in your kind forgiveness does it live.

All the “parts” of the Beloved  who think they are in pain, taking the stories and its experiences seriously, and therefore resist it: – I am that part of you that says ” I LOVE YOU” to yourself. “I remember Who I am. I have chosen this pain to find out that I have wanted it -to return to Who I am, to have the willingness to embrace the pain, to truly recognize what I am. As I speak this, there are still pain sensations everywhere – but I am not taking it serious, it is not “mine,” it has nothing to do with What I am. I bless this moment, I bless every “part” of the one mind who I see as other than me, that truly believe it is in danger, being tortured,beaten,abused. I know of behalf of all of us, it is not so.

W-pI.190.9. Lay down your arms, and come without defense into the quiet place where Heaven’s peace holds all things still at last. 2 Lay down all thoughts of danger and of fear. 3 Let no attack enter with you. 4 Lay down the cruel sword of judgment that you hold against your throat, and put aside the withering assaults with which you seek to hide your holiness.

It is the Beloved choosing – to go into horrendous pain and darkness, to bring Christ into it – and thus embody Christ. This is how we being heaven into earth.

As I am in this process – and having my center now in That which receives it in gratitude – I can talk to these “other parts” of me: “How alone you felt in those moments.How utterly alone you felt – and still, I was there.You couldn’t see me, since you had chosen to make the pain and situation real – in order to be able to transcend it and transform the energy of it NOW.In order to fully experience the pain completely, you had to cut Me off. This was your choice – to go in to the separation to experience all the flavors of it, and to return to Truth by loving what you had created. To come to this place – now – where you truly know you were never alone – and where everything happening in your life – everything – have been needed to bring you to where you are now

I bless you in your willingness to wake up.Thank you for being willing to know that the pain is real – believing in that story of a vengeful god- which is the very root of the ego thought system.

Right now I/Leelah/ is in the very center of the chronic pain in the  center of the chest – the painful cough-place. This is the seat of the denial that anything painful happened in the dream to the dream-me.

You who read this, may right now ask yourself, where in your body is your hiding place, which you still unconsciously hold on to, to still be “you” – the separate made up- you who are special?

and if you are honest, can you find that part who has made you special because of your special story of suffering?

How old is it? what is it telling itself?

Breathe into that sentence and that place, deeply. Sense the Holy Spirit in that breath – He is that close. Ask for help to forgive everyone involved, in all time, space and dimensions.

Be willing to be with whatever comes up – Christ is there with you. You can feel Its frequency of Love. Know it is just a re-play, that it is over, it has come up to be seen and blessed and released. And it will release when you stop judging it, when you see it as pure energy who now comes to -at last – be healed, through you.

The stories in your cell-memory of victimhood – simply recognize them as that – scenarios that your radiant Self chose to go through, to be able to anchor the energy and later – now – transform it through true vision.

Turn toward Love

Turn toward Love

Can we see how we / the Sonship /has placed ego’s contorted face of fear between the separated me and Truth. We have called it dark and evil and abhorred it and judged it and demonized it…this is what we have believed is Love- no wonder we fear it –

W-pI.190.8. Pain is the thought of evil taking form, and working havoc in your holy mind. 2 Pain is the ransom you have gladly paid not to be free. 3 In pain is God denied the Son He loves. 4 In pain does fear appear to triumph over love, and time replace eternity and Heaven. 5 And the world becomes a cruel and a bitter place, where sorrow rules and little joys give way before the onslaught of the savage pain that waits to end all joy in misery.

You don’t chase demons away, you turn toward them and recognize the terrified child within them, whose feelings and needs we denied

You forgive ourselves, and You surrender

W-pI.190.10. Here will you understand there is no pain. 2 Here does the joy of God belong to you. 3 This is the day when it is given you to realize the lesson that contains all of salvation’s power. 4 It is this: Pain is illusion; joy, reality. 5 Pain is but sleep; joy is awakening. 6 Pain is deception; joy alone is truth.

You surrender –   not to the story about evil and victimizer stronger than you

You surrender to Truth. You see through it 🙂

You tell Holy Spirit, “bring it on!”

Doubting thoughts  will come: “I can never come through this – it is far bigger than “me. It is hopeless ”

Of course these thoughts come – you have believed in them and made the world real by doing so. And so you can choose to let them go.

You created this, you wanted to experience it all – and you have

It’s just a mask

You don’t need that anymore

You don’t need to be scared anymore

We don’t need to treasure fear as our protector anymore

Look at what we have created in the multidimensional hologram we think is real

We have experienced it all – not let’s go home

W-pI.190.11. And so again we make the only choice that ever can be made; we choose between illusions and the truth, or pain and joy, or hell and Heaven. 2 Let our gratitude unto our Teacher fill our hearts, as we are free to choose our joy instead of pain, our holiness in place of sin, the peace of God instead of conflict, and the light of Heaven for the darkness of the world.

This video is  from Le Nozze di Figaro  by Mozart.Truly love from a human mind, with all its conflicting bits – but I invite you to look away from the text and just look at the faces of Cherubino and the Duchess  – never did I see this more lovely rendered: the soul surrendering to Love