Seeing through illusion

Lying in bed just some minutes ago, sensing all the usual blocks and pains, and giving them all to Holy Spirit – and feeling absolutely no relief. Let’s say this is the most common of all of Leelah’s complaints – “This is no good, I am not heard. Therefore this is a PROOF that there is something in my mind resisting God that I have placed there subconsciously. (Of course – that is true.)”And since I feel no relief now, that is a P R O O F that this is stronger than God” Having heard this thought, the mind goes on, in its square logic: “And therefore this is hopeless. I am lost. Ego is stronger that God in me. Nothing I do helps. Oh vey is mir.” (I am not Jewish, but my mind finds those words so very expressive of lament.)

Then the thoughts start coming. They come in a rush, and I find myself noticing after each one: This is a thought from truth and God. The thoughts are loving, sparkling with humor and joy. Their truth is evident. After some minutes of this, I realize: “Hm – these thoughts from God come to me even though there is a part in my mind that is stronger than God – hm that simply does not compute – well then – I simply MUST be wrong that there is something that can block out God in my mind.

And now the relief that I wanted as proof is HERE 🙂

Tears are cascading, but no crying

Just a tremendous joy and relief of seeing through it:

I have not felt a connection to God many times because I believed in this thought:

“This physical pain/ this depression/ this sickness /fill in the blanks/ is proof that my ego is stronger than God. That hostile forces are stronger than God. That “evil” is stronger than God. And since other people can be free and happy, and I am not, there is something wrong with ME, special ME!”

And God – having created us as Himself, has given us this power: that what we believe in and say is true, becomes our reality.

Giving my God-given power to the thought “There is something that is stronger than God” makes it so for me.

Believing in the thought of separation makes this illusionary world.

Oh! The beauty of seeing the power that God has given me! And He has certainly not given it to a Leelah: it belongs to me as Self, The Son of God.

Oh what a chaos it would be if He gave it to humans. And – laughing out loud – the world we think we see is made by our delusional thoughts that we ARE humans- separate – and that it is possible to create outside God.

That insane thought, believed in, has seemingly made this insane world

Thank God it is not real

Thank God it is just a dream

And the joy of realizing: as convincingly terrible and serious and painful the illusion – our world – looks – only our belief in it as “real” upholds this image.

We all as one uphold this image of the world each and every second when we look at “sin, guilt and fear” and believe that what we see can be real and true.

From this moment I can with a full heart mean it when I forgive: all I forgive is illusions that never happened in reality – just in my dream that separation CAN be real

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oh beauty

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I may forget this too

and then I can take this paper that I wrote this down on and remind myself and giggle

I am going to copy it and put it in lots of pockets and purses

And I don’t mind that I will forget it- that is the very nature of the human

For the first time can I fully appreciate what Barbara has told me a thousand times – Pain is not real. Sickness is not real. ANYTHING that God did not create is not real – so just let it be, don’t take it seriously.

Now that thought is experienced as just a thought –  and seen through.

Oh the beauty and joy of seeing through illusions.

And because I have seen through its unreality, the release I always have searched for and not found, is here now.