Being With Hell is Heaven

I am floating in the clearest light thinkable. It comes from being willing to breathe through a deep depression, being with it, being with the little child’s tremendous loneliness from years when insanity and abuse happened – and the child – I survived by pushing it down and disowning it completely.

I have been living through deep feelings of loneliness the last week

This morning has changed from suicidal depression to joy and lightness, and acceptance of  my life – had it not all happened THEN, I could not be able to NOW fully accept the release from the old tortured child-identity.

In the identity lies torture – I “am” these deep depressive thoughts

In just noticing the energy/feelings, “just so” is release.

The solar plexus looks dark brown to me, I will just continue breathing.

Just now, the feeling of rottenness is very strong, and my right ear is painful, from something deep inside its snailcurliness.

It is a miracle to just be alive and present right NOW, breathing through it, breathing LovesBreath through it, yawning deep deep yawns

Being here with all of me – realizing that BEING WITH hell is Heaven

Being with means NO judgments about anything going on

Happiness is present

Identity is all –

The minute I AM this old tortured being I am in hell- there is no awareness available – since the I/Self has meshed with the torture –

 The distinction of Presence/Witness/ here is the difference between Heaven and Hell

Deep feelings of meaninglessness – and NOT identifying with them

Just so -floating in awareness- I am certainly not the body, I am experiencing it all IN this body

“Grounding it” says a happy male voice

AMEN

Credit: Efraim’s Tochter